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by doug | December 17th, 2008 @ 12:18 am
How about a glimpse into my world: a night in the life of the grammaticaster.
4:40 PM — Arrive home from work, let scrawny dog out of crate, turn off dog meditation music, pat cat on head, eat piece of chocolate (if available), strip off work clothes, don lay-about clothes.
5:00 PM — Iron shirt for next day, wash dishes, eat piece of chocolate (optional).
5:30 PM — Pretty much sit around, delete misguided TiVo suggestions, read email.
6:15 PM – Cook dinner, wait for the wife.
7:15 PM – Wife arrives. Chat about day. Chat about dinner.
7:45 PM — Eat dinner. Watch whatever Discovery Channel / Travel Channel / Food Network show TiVo has recorded for us.
8:45 PM – Dessert: chocolate or key lime pie (or both)
9:00 PM — Wife naps. I have a glass of wine and blog (or play around on the internet, as was the case tonight).
11:00 PM — Contemplate another glass of wine. Feel bad for wasting time instead of writing or reading or doing something useful.
12:15 AM — It’s bed time. Shake blanket to wake up the dog. Take dog outside. Prepare for bed.
12:30 AM – Awaken the wife. Tell her it’s time for bed.
12:40 AM – Awaken the wife. Tell her it’s time for bed.
12:45 AM – Awaken the wife. Tell her it’s time for bed. Get into bed. Read book until eyes grow heavy.
1:30 AM – Turn out the light. Sleep.
Fascinating, isn’t it? I wish this was more embellished than it is. And now, if the clock is to be believed, I’m running a little behind schedule. Excuse me.
by doug | December 10th, 2008 @ 5:45 pm
A few angry words need to be written about my wife’s car troubles. When she got back from Phoenix a couple of weeks ago, it was dead in the Birmingham airport parking deck. So she had it towed to a place downtown whose name is being withheld for the time being – a previously-believed-to-be reputable auto repair and maintenance shop just a few blocks down from my wife’s building. We were told all it needed was a new battery and that if we waited a minute they would have it ready for us right then. However, the greasemonkey who drove it out of the garage had a bit of trouble keeping it running. The dude behind the counter chalked it up to the computer needing to “re-learn” some things after being disconnected from the power source. He suggested we leave it overnight, which we did. The next day it was picked up and driven home, seemed to run fine for a week or so, then became unstartupable in the driveway (where it remained over the weekend). After an unsuccessful jumping-off attempt Monday morning (due more to me not knowing where the battery was on MY car – underneath the spare tire in the trunk, as it turns out), she was finally able to get it towed, once again, to the garage. That was yesterday. The verdict was that the (new) battery they had installed was bad. It was to be replaced and the car picked up today. She picked it up and drove it back to her building – an amazing accomplishment, since it quit on her three times on the short journey from the repair shop to her parking spot. Now it is once again going back to the guys who are apparently more concerned with tossing off a quick diagnosis and sending the little naive woman on her merry way than actually taking the time to analyze and correct the problem.
So it would appear that tomorrow morning I will once again wake up thirty minutes early so I can drive my wife to work before going out to beautiful, smelly Tarrant for the day. Irritating.
Of course, my wife’s car is an irritating little bugger anyway. It’s a ridiculously redneck sports car that she was talked into buying by some douchebag back in a time before my cool, rational, sensible voice was available to her in her household. I won’t name the type of car, but it rhymes with itsy-bitsy bee clips. A low-slung, bare bones wannabe muscle car that is cheaply built and shoddily designed. Part of me wishes the mechanics would just come back and say “I’m sorry, miss, but the best thing we can do is drive it off a cliff and file an insurance claim on it.”
A boy can dream, can’t he? A boy can dream.
by doug | November 25th, 2008 @ 6:46 pm
Today was destined to be a “downer” blog day. Everything is hunky-dory with me, but all around me there is turmoil, uncertainty, disappointment and death. My wife’s job security – whether she wants to admit it or not – is tenuous. All around her people are being forced into retirement. Co-workers and associates are changing positions. Whole departments are being axed. And there is a strong feeling in the community, no matter how strongly it is denied by the corporate bigwigs, that the long-time Birmingham company will, at some point, move its headquarters to Texas. Every indication is that her job is safe, but the climate is one of volatile change. It is an atmosphere I should know well – I was around for HealthSouth’s surprise dismantling.
I know folks with family strains and folks with marital troubles. I know folks who are worried about increasing expenses and static salaries.
And today someone I work with lost her husband. He had been having some difficulties, but the good news – from what I could glean from conversations, anyway – was that his condition was improving. He had surgery last week – a triple heart bypass – that was serious but was, it seemed, a success. He was at home and on the mend. Apparently their son went by the house to check in on him, and found him dead. I was in the restroom when the telephone rang at the office. I heard a distressed cry and then some sobbing and doors opening and shutting. I went to the window and saw her crying in the parking lot and our secretary offering to drive her so she wouldn’t have to drive herself. I had a strong feeling that what happened was what had, indeed, happened, but I waited in my office for one of the partners to come in and spill the news. How. Fucking. Awful.
Life is scary. It is a minefield – and there is no way to navigate it successfully. You just stumble and bounce around from one mine to another until one day, you step on the big one. And that’s it for you. Death. Disease. Poverty. Crime. Life is a big bowl of suck, and then you get to die at the end of it all. That was what this blog was going to be.
But then I thought about how this was most likely the last post I would make before the Thanksgiving holidays, since we will be venturing once again to the land of no internet connection. And I thought about how, if life is so fragile and fleeting, how unreasonable it is to spend any sizeable portion of it in a state of depression. Sometimes sorrow is unavoidable, yes – and sometimes grief and mourning and the sadness that comes with that is necessary and even cathartic. Sometimes shakeups are essential to keep things moving or clear the path to something bigger and better. But wallowing is counterproductive. If I have only three more weeks to experience life, why would I want any of that time to be spent feeling sorry for myself?
So, with Thanksgiving on the horizon, I wanted to sign off into the four-day vacation with bright feelings of hope and of warmth. I have a wonderful wife whom I get to curl up with every night, no matter how stressful or rotten the preceding day has been. I have parents who care about me and would do anything for me. I have friends who are there for me though every trial, and who would see me through any hardship. I have a warm little dog asleep next to me, and a silly little cat dozing on the back of the chair. I have a roof over my head. I have food waiting to be slid into the oven. I have a job I enjoy that provides for my needs.
By any measure, I am richly blessed.
So, here you go. A long weekend is upon us. We will have turkeys and casseroles and football games and roaring fires, long naps, joyful conversations, reminiscences and warm reunions. Enjoy the holidays, readers. Enjoy every moment.
by doug | November 11th, 2008 @ 10:19 pm
In light of the decidedly negative, slightly angry post I wrote last night, I have decided it is time to display that part of me that – no matter how many irritable, jaded, sarcastic articles you’ll find penned in my name – does indeed exist and expresses itself quite often (though not very often in written form). <—that was a long sentence.
Here is something I discovered around 10:00 this morning that kept me smiling the rest of the day. It’s The Free Hugs Campaign. Awesome.
While I am at it, here are some other random internets that I found amusing, inspiring or uplifting:
Book
More
Alarm Clock
One Word
Shovelglove
And here is a sampling of my new photography obsession courtesy of my new “big boy camera.” Check out the freaking detail on that. This is just an ordinary flower in the middle of a little dying flowerbed at the lake. I had to reduce the picture size by something like 85%. I’m loving it. I have also been feeling strangely botanical lately. Odd.
This was originally going to be a much happier, “top ten things that made me happy today” blog post, but sometimes life just doesn’t allow that kind of joy to linger around too long without throwing some god-awful tragedy into the mix. But the “number one thing that makes me happy” was going to be “my wife.”
Good night, dear readers. Try to get up tomorrow and savor every single second of your beautiful little lives.
by doug | November 10th, 2008 @ 10:25 pm
One of these little f*ckers totally ruined my night tonight:
You know, it’s always a toss-up. What will the night’s ridiculous argument be about? Tonight, it was the cockroach in the laundry room. My mistake was apparently not realizing that, when taking it upon myself to rid the house of the dread beast, I was performing my task in the presence of Roach-Bane, the arthropod annihilator. Well, consider me schooled. Some things are best left to the masters, and I am but a humble amateur.
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