Grammaticaster

Today was destined to be a “downer” blog day.  Everything is hunky-dory with me, but all around me there is turmoil, uncertainty, disappointment and death.  My wife’s job security – whether she wants to admit it or not – is tenuous.  All around her people are being forced into retirement.  Co-workers and associates are changing positions.  Whole departments are being axed.  And there is a strong feeling in the community, no matter how strongly it is denied by the corporate bigwigs, that the long-time Birmingham company will, at some point, move its headquarters to Texas.  Every indication is that her job is safe, but the climate is one of volatile change.  It is an atmosphere I should know well – I was around for HealthSouth’s surprise dismantling.

I know folks with family strains and folks with marital troubles.  I know folks who are worried about increasing expenses and static salaries.

And today someone I work with lost her husband.  He had been having some difficulties, but the good news – from what I could glean from conversations, anyway – was that his condition was improving.  He had surgery last week – a triple heart bypass – that was serious but was, it seemed, a success.  He was at home and on the mend.  Apparently their son went by the house to check in on him, and found him dead.  I was in the restroom when the telephone rang at the office.  I heard a distressed cry and then some sobbing and doors opening and shutting.  I went to the window and saw her crying in the parking lot and our secretary offering to drive her so she wouldn’t have to drive herself.  I had a strong feeling that what happened was what had, indeed, happened, but I waited in my office for one of the partners to come in and spill the news.  How.  Fucking.  Awful.

Life is scary.  It is a minefield – and there is no way to navigate it successfully.  You just stumble and bounce around from one mine to another until one day, you step on the big one.  And that’s it for you.  Death.  Disease.  Poverty.  Crime.  Life is a big bowl of suck, and then you get to die at the end of it all.  That was what this blog was going to be.

But then I thought about how this was most likely the last post I would make before the Thanksgiving holidays, since we will be venturing once again to the land of no internet connection.  And I thought about how, if life is so fragile and fleeting, how unreasonable it is to spend any sizeable portion of it in a state of depression.  Sometimes sorrow is unavoidable, yes – and sometimes grief and mourning and the sadness that comes with that is necessary and even cathartic.  Sometimes shakeups are essential to keep things moving or clear the path to something bigger and better.  But wallowing is counterproductive.  If I have only three more weeks to experience life, why would I want any of that time to be spent feeling sorry for myself?

So, with Thanksgiving on the horizon, I wanted to sign off into the four-day vacation with bright feelings of hope and of warmth.  I have a wonderful wife whom I get to curl up with every night, no matter how stressful or rotten the preceding day has been.  I have parents who care about me and would do anything for me.  I have friends who are there for me though every trial, and who would see me through any hardship.  I have a warm little dog asleep next to me, and a silly little cat dozing on the back of the chair.  I have a roof over my head.  I have food waiting to be slid into the oven.  I have a job I enjoy that provides for my needs.

By any measure, I am richly blessed.

So, here you go.  A long weekend is upon us.  We will have turkeys and casseroles and football games and roaring fires, long naps, joyful conversations, reminiscences and warm reunions.  Enjoy the holidays, readers.  Enjoy every moment.